Friday, April 18, 2008
seating plan changed.
i feel so alienated, in a totally unfamiliar environment.
the old feeling is lost and can never be found. the people around me will no longer be the same. im trying so desperately, trying to search for some warmth in this new environment.
somehow, everyone, everything feels so cold even though we've been in the same class for 4 mths. i have been in the new place for barely 1 day and i feel so uncomfortable there. put aside the fact that i have a genius PRC beside me which stresses me out like dunno what. all the surrounding people, i just don't blend in with them. they're like fire, im like water and you should know that 水火不容. personality mismatch, i guess.
i hate the new place, and i hate the teacher, mr _alking Alot Nonstop. his reasoning is crap, totally flawed and he does not preach what he teach. #$#@%#%&^* screw you!
just when im struggling to cope,
u attack me with harsh and merciless words, totally belittling my efforts and hardwork
just when i'm trying my best,
u tell me its no use, totally shattering my confidence
just when i really wanted to do it,
u decided for me that i was joking
just when im starting to blend into the new environment,
u decided to take me away and put me into a totally new and alienated surrounding
just when i started to accept the teachers and lose some of the prejudice,
u decided to prove me wrong once again
just when the mid years are around the corner,
u made me completely lose faith in myself
your harsh and biting remarks, has left a bleeding cut in my heart.
saw in the darkness 10:54 PM
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Friday, April 11, 2008
this is not the first time im saying this but i still want to say it
cca sux!
if i remembered correctly u said that u don't know what we think of u and u do not want to know, u made guesses like hatred anger, wateva.
even if u do not want to know, i must clarify, hatred is an understatement. you can cry you can feel sad, i do not care. afterall u never cared about our feelings, did u?
u said the floor is so hard, very good we shall pt here and u go ha ha ha. do u dare say you are caring about our feelings?
i find it ironic that while the school discourages bullying, what's happening to us is open bullying, its tyranny! and nothing is being done at all. u may say we are just doing pt but must u purposely choose a very rough surfaced ground and u still go ha ha ha. is this not open bullying? is this not tyranny?
u say u know you're in wrong but did u apologise? no u did not. someone else apologised and there wasn't really a need for him to do that.
u asked who lost the passion. i couldnt have raised my hand, the passion never was there, how to lose it?
u asked who have given up. i couldnt have raised my hand too, i never started, there is no need to give up at all.
u asked us to face the next act with enthusiasm. for once my ans is yes, i shall. because im so very enthusiastic about pon-ing it. well, maybe u faced every act with enthusiasm, afterall u enjoy torturing ppl, dont u?
i find it an insult that your initials coincides with wuyuetian, whom i idolise. it is an insult.
maybe what im doing is cyber bullying (im not even mentioning names), but at least im way better than u, u practice open bullying and i must hand it to u for being able to do it so openly and no one catches u in the act.
*note: "you" here is used to refer to two different people.
saw in the darkness 7:53 PM
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Wednesday, April 9, 2008
bio test was disastrous!
disastrous meaning:
1. causing great distress or injury; ruinous; very unfortunate; calamitous
2. extremely bad; terrible
both seems to apply to me. the bio test has caused great distress and injury to my mental health and obviously it is extremly bad. i totally flunked section c, 10 marks gone, how much worse could it get. of all things why ask that kind of questions, it was a killer! section c is the killer! looks like my brain is just not inclined towards the sciences, i should just stick with my computer games and day dreaming :P
much as i would like to do that, im afraid i really can't do that, can i? i really want to do well, theres this burning desire in me that tells me i have to do well, must not disappoint my parents again, this shall be the last test i flunk, hopefully.
may strength be with me.
*scrambles off to find motivation to study* -.-
saw in the darkness 8:12 PM
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Tuesday, April 8, 2008
sianz..
bio test tmr and im barely prepared
i have been reading all the nutrients vitamins and mineral salts for very long but the words dont seem to make sense together and i can't remember anything at all. NONE of the info is going in, except wat we learnt last yr which is not counted since it is already in there. im so gonna die tmr, someone pls donate some brain juice to me so i can get the facts in to my head. so many test and everything needs to be memorised and halfway trying to memorise all the bio stuff somehow i clicked internet explorer -> youtube -> fated to love you ep4. -.- i guess i really can't concentrate well, can i?
please gods and deities wherever, whatever, whoever you are, please help me stuff all the facts into my brain while im sleeping or dreaming about tests answers would be good too.
next,
cca was ridiculous today. repeat: ridiculous!
playing with us like we are their toys, up down up down down down up down. why don't you try that yourself ?!?! we are not your toys and you don't mess with us. respect our feelings before you can expect us to respect u. always asking us to respect u but ask urself have u ever respected us? recrea became PT how wonderful...
i failed my napfa again.. three cheers! -.- sianz lar dun wanna run 2.4 again lor, i was thinking the retest just anyhow since 5 items also can't pass run until want to die also can't pass.
i'm so darn worried about tmr's bio, i can't afford to flunk another test. i really can't...
saw in the darkness 10:04 PM
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Thursday, April 3, 2008
As the days go by,
i can feel my body breaking down bit by bit,
and i feel so helpless
nothing i can do
i wonder...
how long more can i hold out
saw in the darkness 9:22 PM
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