Wednesday, October 31, 2007

PREMONITION

haiz.. there's going to be cca tmr and this time.. dunno why.. but i seriously feel very strongly about not going for cca tmr.. dunno why this is happening but i rly dun wan go cca tmr lehs.. haiz.. premonition? hope not.. its as though something bad is going to happen tmr.. i fear going for cca JUZ tmr..why?!?! is this the fear cca has instilled in me or is this juz my imagination and my own unwillingness to go for cca.. i hav been trying to consult ppl.. asking if i shld go for cca tmr.. some say "dun wan go then dun go la", some say "juz go la.. wun die de".. haiz.. my mind is in a whirlpool of dilemma(always use this in my essay :P).. rly dunno if shld go cca anot lehs.. rly rly rly super dun feel lyk going for tmr's act but suddenly every1 in the cca seems to be so enthu and is going to go tmr.. ahh..
haiz.. feel so sad now.. dunno how we will be tortured tmr.. haiz.. let's juz hope i'll wake up tmr and finds that today has juz been a dream and i'll hv another wed(although i know quite impossible)
how i wish all this has just been a dream.. how i wish.....

saw in the darkness 9:48 PM

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Tuesday, October 30, 2007

JOY!

went for cip yesterday and was actually quite glad i went :D we went there at 8am and to our HORROR the fsc only opens at 9am.. (nat do u realise that?!?!) were supposed to juz cut out NORMAL masks made using paper plates and in the end we had all sorts of weird faces like wat halloween faces.. m&n faces, money faces, lame faces, angry faces and even a weilin series.. zz..started out quite well when ppl quite enthu.. after a while every1 slack liaoz coz so bored then ending that time we throwing the masks at each other liaoz.. (so lame so i nv throw :P)

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went for sana course today and it was surprisingly fun(no sarcasm hors this time). the lectures were ok la at least does nt make me sleepy.. (i tink even better than the keynote speakers lor) then got some humour which is actually nt very humour but dunno why ppl laugh lyk mad lyk that.. the firs speaker is ok la.. but i dun really like the second speaker.. damn annoying lor he.. act so big
the lunch was nice..(but dunno why got ppl say nt nice.. maybe my tastebud more special).. after that was a test.. the test damn lame de lor.. really is dun nd listen lecture also can pass that one but still got ppl fail(maybe they see wrong qn then wrong all the way..)after the test got one roleplay.. that one retarded so we skip..
last is entertainment!! hehes.. we played tug-of-war(c0nfusi0n jealous le mah) and our group won..(last match against instructors nt counted de lor)our group got one superman( coz he roleplay that time act superman then take drugs then cannot save ppl..没想到 take drugs already still very super still alot strength to pull.. hehe) really strong..then after that they also got giv out prizes to 4 ppl who scored full marks for the test and to our group.. echo 5&6.. out of the 4 ppl 3 were frm our sch.. one of them is jinching :D..
ok so overall the course was actually nt that bad lar.. was actually abit glad i never pon.. hehes..

p.s. i juz realised out of 5 posts only one is happy de.. what a sad life i hv.. haiz.. im gonna start emo-ing again.. :P

saw in the darkness 7:04 PM

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Sunday, October 28, 2007

FEAR

im not sure if i shld go for cip tmr.. its very early in the morning and will be doing admin stuff(abit boring) but that's not wats really keeping me frm going coz i'd rly like to meet u guys.. im nt sure if i made the right decision in nt going to buy class tee together today.. i do not want to make the wrong choice and lose the chance of meeting u guys again.. yet.. im scared.. i fear.. i fear i will miss u guys even more after i meet u guys.. i fear that i will nt be able to let go and face the new challenges awaiting me 2 mths frm now.. a whole new environment.. new frens new teachers new attitudes new teaching styles new laughter new voices.. everything will be new..
hav i made the wrong choice today.. that i still do not know even till now.. i hv not decided if i shld go but i most probably will because i believe it will be worth it.. i hope i hav made the right choice.. see u guys tmr..

p.s. c0nfusi0n has promised me 15k a cash if she fails to turn up tmr.. all of u reading my blog out there shall be my witness..

saw in the darkness 9:01 PM

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Saturday, October 27, 2007

DISAPPOINTMENT

i showed my result slips to my parents.. or rather they asked for my result slip.. i thought i did not do too badly.. i thought it was gd enough.. at least for me.. i thought i could at least get something for all the hardwok i put in.. yes.. i did get something and that is the pretty gd results but that was not wat i really wanted.. i wanted ur 认同.. why juz can't u say a few words other than gd.. ok.. nt bad.. why must u look at only the bad stuff on the result slips and go on and on for hrs juz on one bad stuff.. why nt the gd stuff. i feel so cheated.. juz lyk others i nd incentives to work well.. u can't juz expect me to produce excellent results without incentives (i guess the only person who can do that is the gal with gpa 4).. why do u nv seem to be satisfied by my results.. are they really that bad?!? i rly rly HAD hoped u would do something more than juz good (u say that everytime can.. more creative can?)
haiz.. i guess that's my life.. was the effort rly worthwhile.. maybe.. maybe not.. i had always believed i am supposed to work hard.. my beliefs are now shaken.. i juz nd some incentives frm u.. that wld make everything more worthwhile..

" So often Life
Is not filled
With Love and Laughter
As much as
With Loneliness and Disappointment

But there will be enough
Of those beautiful moments
With very special people
To make it all
Seem worthwhile "

once again.. i thought of 2B.. afterall you are the ppl who make my day..

saw in the darkness 11:17 PM

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Friday, October 26, 2007

TEARS

current mood(11pm): abit emo

today.. the last day of school..
flashing of cameras everywhere in our class.. frens whom you nv rly took note of suddenly felt so important.. all my frens.. all of them make up bits and pieces of memories in my mind.. however small bit and however small piece it is.. it is still part of my memory and this will stay with me.. pls let me keep the most beautiful memory of u in my mind.. do not cry for i believe we can still meet one day.. let me keep the every cheerful image i hav of all of u.. all these times together they are precious to me.. i will hold them close to my heart.. i shall rmb u guys always.. i can't bear to part with u guys too but since we can't avoid it.. lets juz face it with a positive attitude.. wishing all in the class gd luck and stay happy..

the only difference in the song is that in place of bgr wat we have is a very strong bond.. i believe

(might take a while to load)


Till the End by David Tan
All these precious moments
with you by my side
must be a gift from heaven
that's holding me all night

i don't know how i found you
i'm thankful that i have
now that i have a love so true
to hold, to keep, to share

* In my heart i can no longer hold inside
all of the love i used to hide
i'll always be with you until the very end
in this world there is no place i'd rather be
you are my life, my soul, my girl
and through it all i know
that you've come to see that you're the one till the end*

All my friend around me
say you'd be gone too soon
baby i'm gonna make them see
we've found our way back home

repeat *

We'll always be till the end.



***********************

ANGER

current mood(7pm): pissed!

i'm so damn pissed now..
why must it turn out like this.. has it always been my misconception that you gave in to me most of the time or were you juz fu1 yan3-ing me? why can't you let me do things my way this time round.. it's just one activity that i will be missing.. why must you force me to go. why must my life be dictated by you. it's my life after all, i shld hv the final decision not you.. i know you're my parent you're more experienced and you tend to make better decisions but aren't you supposed to guide me to the right decision instead of juz making the decision for me.. afterall im the one involved not you.. you don't understand how i feel at all so dun act so mighty as if you know everything under the world.. im so pissed.. why must it turn out like that.. i thot our relationship was rather good and we cld always work things out.. i never expected you to reject me without hesitation without considering and without listening to me at all.. i know it's for my own good but if you force me.. believe me it will backfire one day.. im almost at my limits.. dun force me!!

besides, why can't i be angry if you can.. u din even giv me a chance there was no room for negotiation at all.. of course i wld be bu shuang.. and when im pissed.. u also become pissed.. (that's not the point) and you go.. "what kind of attitude is this.. dun giv me that face" this is juz an outward expression of my emotions.. whats wrong with that!! wth is wrong! hvn't all of u been telling us not to bottle up our emotions?!?! and when we show our emotions.. u find it inappropriate.. wat kind of logic is this.. this is unreasonable.. im pissed!! ppl say eating one piece of chocolate can make u happy.. but i hav almost finished a whole box and im still PISSED!!!

saw in the darkness 10:18 PM

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Thursday, October 25, 2007

CONFUSION

i feel so confused..
i shld be glad that i'm promoted to the next level yet i will miss all my frens.. 2 years together.. how can i part with u all happily..




好聚怎麼好散(曲終人散版) by 阿CHORD
回憶有些遺憾 讓 結局更加感傷 我 不願再去想 你離去的景象
時間能否沖淡 這 難分難捨難堪 我 不願回頭看 那些美好片段 我不敢
好聚怎麼好散 我試圖 學會遺忘你最後一刻淚流下 我也哭的荒唐
*能不能 再一次 讓我把話說完 對你的愛 我還放不開 卻只能夠感慨
能不能 再一次 讓我的戲演完 結束了該散場 話沒說完 你卻已經 離開

i don't even know if i should be feeling happy.. the result slips came back. it was not as good as i wanted it to be but was within my expectations.. the dec hols are coming.. fast and furious.. i should be happy the hols are here yet i feel sad, surprisingly. there seems to be more cons than pros this time round.. loads of hw.. long hours of cca.. but these were not what really bothered me. Promoted to the next level, i shld feel glad yet i will miss my frens and all the rest.. seeing some cry over bad results.. it made me juz as sad juz this time round.. this never really happened before.
i guess the bond we have has been built without us knowing it.. the friendship which never seemed to be there is there.. hatred, anger, jealousy for each other turned out to be care and concern.. the bond is there.. this is a undeniable fact..
let's hope the invisible bond will stay although we will have been broken into bits and pieces scattered amongst many others nxt yr..
i believe there will still be chances for us to meet.. in the meanwhile lets hope gd frens still stay in the same class afterall.. i'd really hate to leave all of you all
although i hate to say but i still hv to..
gd bye and gd luck to all!

saw in the darkness 5:52 PM

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