Wednesday, January 30, 2008

sometimes most of the time i just wonder, am i really so fragile i can't even stand a single knock. i have barely started, or rather i have never really started and thoughts of giving up are already flooding in. i feel so useless so useless, like an unwanted person.

why can't you give me your support, why can't u believe in me believing and doing what i think is right and what's best for myself. why aren't i even allowed a mind of my own, why do you have to dictate my life. why?!?! is this really the kind of outcome u want? i really don't understand adults, do you?

.please set me free..

.i want back my life, MY life!

saw in the darkness 7:49 PM

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Monday, January 28, 2008

I'm DETERMINED

i really am this time round.. i will i can and i must do it
please do not try to waver my determination..

afterall the determination is just a false front i put on and i'm still going through alot of internal struggle. please do not try to change my mind, please..

i will not tell u what i'm determined to do, afterall i believe this decision is what i want and i do not wish for others to interfere in it. please give me a chance and please do not crush and shatter my determination and pride with a word of "no". i took a long time before i had this courage and determination to act out the thoughts i had held on to for 2 long years. i'm breaking down under the pressure and i'm determined to win this war.

i dun have much time, i only have less than two months left. i must make it happen before the two months

Gods and deities above, please bless me with all the strength and courage i need to fight this battle. i need all the help i can get

saw in the darkness 9:30 PM

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Thursday, January 24, 2008

physics test was hellish!

考试前和考试后的那两场大雨，
是在嘲笑我吗？
还是在为我哭泣呢？

"雨过天晴"

但为什么第一场大雨下完后，天还没晴，又是一场大雨呢？

难到我的人生就是看不到晴天吗？

只有一场接一场的大雨吗？


***

it's bad enough if i couldn't finish the paper, but i really can't imagine how i could leave two WHOLE pages UNDONE. i didn't even have the chance to look at the questions. this is bad, bad, bad.

a record-breaking F9 for my physics test, how great.

i really can't cope, i really can't

just where is my guardian angel? i wonder...

saw in the darkness 5:29 PM

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Wednesday, January 23, 2008

my yr 3 life has barely started but im already suffocating..
so tired so tired
tests coming up..
yet we have to go for useless cca activities
choose between cca and your progress report, the answer is abvious
although i hate to say this after 2 years and 23 days in the cca but..

cca sux and i hate it

np was not my choice in the first place.
it was not my choice
it is not my choice
and it NEVER will be my choice

never..

i hate to be associated with them, constantly referred to as part of them. i never wanted to be part of it, so dun force me. dun force your own personal beliefs onto others. i have my own personal beliefs and sadly, it clashes with yours. we belong to a different category, a different type of people. it was a mistake to begin with by putting us together. a big big mistake.

since we were setting goals during pdp lessons today, let me just state my real personal goals (for the year) here since i can't really put them down on the paper teacher gave us.

(in order of priority, not including those written in sch)

1)change cca
2)pon ITC
3)pon ATC

i know ATC is tougher than ITC and it shld come first but since ITC takes place b4 ATC i guess it take priority eh.

i know my attitude sux during cca, i know others hate this attitude of mine during cca. i know and i dun nd you to remind me. i have been constantly reminding myself, i have been trying to keep myself in check, i tried my best but afterall it was a mistake to begin with, i see no point in trying anymore. it's just a waste of time and energy. afterall if i manage to change cca in the end, no one will feel sad for me since my attitude sux during cca, there'll probably rejoice.

i hate my current cca and that's a fact that's never gonna. this is the one and only firm belief i have held on to since joing the cca, all the others hopes i used to have are already gone. how do u expect me to believe you once again.. promises promises. the promises you made are never kept but time and again you make promises and want me to believe you, how do you expect me to do that, just how..

haven't i trusted you enough?

saw in the darkness 9:22 PM

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Sunday, January 20, 2008

the long-awaited weekends are finally here but they turn out just to be another nightmare.

school has gone into only the third week and homework is streaming in like water. it's been less than a month into my year 3 life and I'm already starting to hate it. lots and lots of homework, retarded teachers who give boring lectures and treating us as retards repeating the same thing over and over again. it's not just during the weekends that there's alot of homework, almost everyday is the same. teachers are extending their lessons by 1-2 hrs and they can't teach well at all. i don't get a single thing they're saying. it looks like there'll be a tough year ahead but i hope things change for the better as time goes by. right no, I'm really really stressed. how i wish i never took triple science combination. for the first time in 14 years of my life, I'm rushing home to do homework and not play games. workload has increased by almost 5-10times from year 2 to year 3. people, wish me luck, be glad if i even survive through this year . i just want a peaceful life. where is my peace, my freedom, my life. i wonder..

虽然我不是牛仔，但是我跟牛仔一样忙！不，我比牛仔还忙，谁来救救我啊。。！！

saw in the darkness 2:38 PM

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Wednesday, January 16, 2008

im darn pissed off now.. coz of ridiculous teachers and biased 椅子人 who act like autocrats.. i know it seems like im never pleased when the seating arrangement is changed but im not just not pleased this time round.. im PISSED!!

they say seating arrangement is made according to height.. so are you trying to tell me jingyi is short by putting her on the FIRST row?!?! thats like so insulting to someone who is tall.. putting ur good frens at the back of the class.. hearing them laughing madly away during lessons.. im totally pissed! the teachers hardly took a look at the seating plan.. the 椅子人 did it and they just changed! no amendments no nothing and i hate it!

they didnt even ask if people had objections.. i can let that rest.. lets take it that he forgot to ask.. so ppl raised their objections.. he didnt care.. how could he.. he's acting like a total autocrat.. he wants it changed and he wants no amendments so that shall be it?!?! i can't accept that! worst of all, he didn't even take the objections seriously even when they showed signs of determination that they are strongly against the new seating plan.. he juz brushed it off with

"i know there'll be some uneasiness at the start, but we'll see how it goes first, if after ONE YEAR still can't adapt then we change" what kind of crap is this, this is ridiculous! if u think its funny by saying after one year then we change, i tell u its not funny!
he even said " c'mon lar, dun be JOKERS" when they raised objections objections and more objections. u said they were jokers just because they were unsatisfied?! just because they were expressing their opinion?! they are serious, they are not joking with you..

im so unhappy with this yr's teachers, if u think you can have things ur way juz by laughing laughing and more laughing, trying to settle problems by laughing when ppl raise objections.. i'll prove u wrong very soon.. really very soon..

i even hav unprofessional teachers who go "for those who can't attend the remedial lessons they'll hav to catch up by themselves.. i dun wan to teach" i can't believe this... this is like.. omg.. i hav nth more to say.. the teachers are ridiculous.. they do things their way and never listen to us.. if u think you're forever right.. you're wrong.. if i rmb clearly the retarded teacher who keeps laughing and laughing is a new appointment in my sch.. u might be able to laugh off everything in ur old sch but its not going to work here or at least its not goin to work with me.. you'll regret listening only to the 椅子人 and i'll make sure u do regret.. be prepared...

im pissed pissed pissed!!! so f*** off if are on the teacher's or 椅子人's side.. dun piss me further.. further criticism towards them are welcomed..

saw in the darkness 5:52 PM

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Sunday, January 6, 2008

haiz..
i went to collect my edusave scolarship today..
but.. it seems it no longer holds a meaning to me anymore..
be it.. 50, 500 or 5000.. it doesn't help in making me wan to excel in my studies
i hav lost all my enthusiasm towards schooling..
goin to sch seems to be a chore and torture now..
haiz.. i hope all these feeling will be gone soon.. and i can study more properly..

haiz..

ps:will post some nice nice songs by bang bang tang later on
[EDIT *posted*]

the songs are very meaningful..

you may have to click the play button a few times before it will play


梦想巴士-棒棒堂

收拾好行囊 准备好出发
探索我的未来 充满期待
热血澎湃 心跳的好厉害
太多的站牌 我眼花撩乱
不知该怎麼办 选择上车
选择等待 还是等待淘汰

**沿途有人退出 (看远方天空 乌云有了缺口)
有人继续坚持 (雨过天晴后 梦想不停闪烁)
梦想巴士载著五们向下站遨游 (交出你的手 跟著我一起走)
让梦想发光 照亮我们的方向
旅途很漫长 穿越过无数心墙
眼角的泪光 我们成长的力量
挺起了胸膛 夥伴们一起去闯

同一个地方 做同样的事
过同样的生活 得到什么 失去什么
拥有过就足够 把你的右手放在左心窝
心加速了跳动 因为有你我才发现
我的纯真感动

repeat**

总难免会失望 要变的更坚强
总难免会遗忘 要坚持著信仰
不管多难都不退让 让梦想发光
温暖了寂寞心防 未来的路上
不会再迷失方向 坚持著梦想
失败也绝不投降 紧握的手掌
握住了幸福希望



我们之间－棒棒堂

這一段時間 有著什麼樣的畫面
喜怒哀樂全寫在日記裡面
發現 每一頁全都是 經典
所有的故事都值得紀念

**現實的考驗 我們說好一起面對
不管多久多遠絕對不喊累
期待 彼此更美好的陰天
我們說好誰也不放棄誰

**手牽著手(連成線 最緊密的圓圈)
肩靠肩(每一刻都好像在身邊)
深呼吸 做你最高的堡壘
風吹過的海邊 雨水下過的季節 讓我好想念

**我們之間 不會有改變
相同的起點 一瞬間 變成了樂園
我們之間 轉了一大圈 相同的終點
會發現 所有的心願 會實現

Repeat**

我們之間 不會有改變
相同的起點 一瞬間 變成了樂園
我們之間 轉了一大圈
相同的終點 會發現 所有的心願

我們之間 oh 一瞬間 變成了樂園
我們之間 轉了一大圈
相同的終點 會發現
所有的心願 會實現 會實現

saw in the darkness 5:35 PM

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Wednesday, January 2, 2008

darn it.. my crystal ball is spot on!

sch sux totally.. thoroughly.. sux like hell!

first day of sch its dismissal at 2.45pm.. how late can that get..

plus..

dismissal time for monday is at 4.10pm!! wth.. worse.. i hv tuition at 5pm..

are adults trying to work me to death.. studying frm early morning to late at night at 7pm.. continue like this and i rly will hav no more life left.. juz like a living dead!

3 sciences in a day.. 1hr chinese lessons for almost everyday.. my sec 3 life is totally screwed!!

i hate this.. its sux totally!!

haiz... sum1 giv me some life.. i feel so dangered...

saw in the darkness 10:09 PM

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Tuesday, January 1, 2008

my bro got a new phone and im so darn jealous of it..
nokia 6500
im so so so jealous..
but well.. i juz changed my phone a couple of months back too..
fine.. zhi zu chang le they say..
nvm.. my phone is nicer.. his phone is so square.. ( although deep inside i rly wan his phone..)

*starts to　自我安慰 and 自欺欺人*
his phone is ugly
my phone is nice
tralalas..
but i still want his phone.. noooo...

wateva..

sch starts tmr.. gotta go pack bag and slp le.. 9.18pm only but nd slp earlier to make up for all those slp-10hrs-a-day during the hols..

haiz... retarded sch bus is making me wake up at 5.45am.. i used to wake at 6.05am de lors...

i wonder... wat awaits ahead of me..

my crystal ball shows a bleak future...

saw in the darkness 9:14 PM

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